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| A city sparkles in the night - how can it glow so
bright?
& at night I roam these streets with absolutely no purpose
Feeling like I'm worthless
But contrary to my last statement, I feel fine
Content with the fact that I know this city's mine.
"I like the nightlife baby,"
She says, "I like the nightlife baby"
She says, "Let's go."
Let's go drive 'til morning comes, watch the sunrise and fill our souls up.
You & I should get away for a while.
I just want to be alone with your smile.
Buy some candy & cigarettes & we'll get in my car
We'll blast the stereo & we'll drive to Madagascar
Thinkin' about our younger years, there was only you and me.
We were young and wild and free.
It's all for the sake of arriving
with you.
Time on my hands could be time spent with you.
But, oh, how it feels so real
Lying here, with no one near...
only you,
& you can hear me.
To lay down underneath the stars
Listen to all translations of the stories across the sky
we drew our own constellations
Relax your back & let the noise sing you to sleep in my arms.
I watched the sun
Cause it touches you when you sleep.
Woke up in another lifetime
It's a shame it's just not right now.
Dreaming of the coast of Carolina
Dreaming all the ways you will smile.
Picture my face in your hands.
Touch your lips just so I know
in your eyes, love, it glows so
I'm bare boned and crazy for you when you come crash into me, baby.
& I come into you
In a boys dream.
Is this love, is this love that I'm feelin'?
I wanna love and treat you right.
I wanna love you every day and every night
we'll be together with a roof right over our heads
we'll share the the shelter of my single bed
we'll share the same room, Jah provide the bread
Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night.
You're the only one that I want - think I'm addicted to your light.
We could make this into more than words we speak
This could make us into anything
It could make us grow & become what we'll be
Won't you catch me if I'm falling?
I want to love you madly.
I want to love you now.
You know I mean to tell you all the things I've been thinking
Deep inside, my friend.
Each moment the more I love you.
I look at you & smile because I'm fine.
The space between the tears we cry is the laughter keeps us coming back for more.
It's hard to wake up when the shades have been pulled shut.
This house is haunted - It's so pathetic.
It makes no sense at all.
Take this sinking boat and point it home. We've still got time.
Where are you my angel now?
Don't you see me crying?
I'm ripe with things to say.
The words rot and fall away.
If a stupid poem could fix this home I'd read it everyday.
What goes out, what goes in.
Looking at you leaving, I'm looking for a sign.
Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing?
Where have all the flowers gone, long time ago?
Where have all the flowers gone?
Young girls have picked them everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
For the life of me, I cannot remember
what made us think that we were wise & we'd never compromise.
She says "it's only in my head."
she says "sshhh... it's only in my head."
Well, too much silence can be misleading. You're drifting, I can hear it in the way that you're breathing.
We might be different but our hearts won't lie
and little ever changes if anything at all
but the song rings loudly through these halls
I picked up the pieces when I woke
I put them in a boat made of things that I don't want to see
I blew on the sail, watched it drift out to sea.
Down the middle drops one more grain of sand
They say that new life makes losing life easier to understand
Words are kind, they helped ease the mind of this, my old friend
& though you gotta go, we'll keep a piece of your soul
& if you don't love me, let me go.
I am a writer, writer of fictions
I am the heart that you call home.
& I've written pages upon pages trying to rid you from my bones.
Like a clown I put on a show.
The pain is real, even if nobody knows.
Only broken hearted
Life's not over
I can start again.
But I'm lonely. Brokenhearted
It's a hurting thing to get over.
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you?
Have you ever closed your eyes and dreamed that they were there?
& All you can do is wait for that day when they will care?
I can't see nothin'... nothin' round here.
Now, we're back at the homestead where the air makes you choke.
& people don't know you & trust is a joke.
We don't even have pictures,
just memories to hold
that grow sweeter each season as we slowly grow old.
Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white.
& in between the moon and you the angels get a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right.
Now as I walk down the street
I need a job just to sleep in sheets
Buying food every once in a while
But not enough to buy a smile.
Round here we're carving out our names.
Nothing's so cold
As closing the heart when all we need is to free the soul.
But we wouldn't be that brave, I know.
Nothing's clear, all these thoughts, they have become so hard to find.
With a question mark always slumped at the end of these awkward lines.
But will I hold you again? These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like, "Will it rain today?"
Waste the hours with talking, talking... these twisted games we play.
But the girl on the car in the parking lot says: "Man you should try to take a shot. Can't you see my walls are crumblin'?"
Then she looks up at the building & says she's thinkin' of jumping, she says she's tired of life, she must be tired of something.
I want you to notice when I'm not around.
The sun is always in my eyes.
It crashes through the windows, & I'm sleeping on the couch, when I came to visit you.
That's when I knew that I could never have you.
I knew that before you did,
Still I'm the one who's stupid.
And how can it happen now that you know the cause
That nothing is changing and everything's wrong
But pain is the healing and the tears sting like alcohol
Just keep on there breathing
Well bring you down the long, long road back home
I talk to you every now and then. I never felt so alone again.
How will we really know?
It's just like it feels.
These few days have decided to be lazy.
They don't move or seem to end at all.
& my heart, it is close enough to breaking that it hurts just listening to your songs.
I rent a room and I fill the spaces with wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feel is alone.
I go home to the coast. It starts to rain.
I paddle out on the water alone
Taste the salt & taste the pain. I'm not thinking of you again.
Summer dies & swells rise, the sun goes down in my eyes,
See this rolling wave
darkly coming to take me home.
& I've never been so alone.
& I've never felt to alive.
I walk in the air, between the rain, through myself and back again where? I don't know.
Home is on the highway
living on soft bread & solace
I guess I'm waiting for nightfall or a solar eclipse
& to wake up half empty
Only to be filled again with mourning.
I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more everyday
& I'm dying inside.
Well, I've never prayed, but tonight I'm on my knees, yeah.
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
Make this rain go away
Things would be much better
I swear, I swear
If the sun would come out today
Life would be more worthwhile, worthwhile.
She walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land just like she's walking a wire in the circus.
We're gonna stay out all night long.
& then we're gonna go out and roam across the field.
Baby, you know how it feels
when the healing has begun.
We might be different but our hearts won't lie
and little ever changes when you view it from the sky
and the damage we encounter the earth just passes by
and little ever changes if anything at all
and we remind ourselves how small we are
& it won't matter now
whatever happens to me
Though the air speaks of all we'll never be
It won't trouble me.
you know how things can be going oh-so-well in your life, but you can only see the negative?
i love a boy. i'm happiest when he's around.
but he just doesn't feel quite the same.
& i feel like our relationship is getting shittier because i want something more than he can give me.
it's frustrating to remain as just a friend.
i feel as if i'm stuck in this rut and i can't get out of it. and i don't know what else to do.
i know you can't help who you fall for, but does it have to be so hard?
does it have to be this illogical?
i wish more than anything that i could just not care anymore.
& be able to move on.
Leave a comment if the spirit moves you.
| | |
| The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me & will my breath.
& emeralds from mountains trust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
& tell me that we belong together.
& dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.
Bigger update coming soon.
To my subscribers:
Although I don't know any of you, I feel like we're connected somehow.
I share quotes/lyrics that are representative of how I feel and the emotions that I'm going through at the time of my post. & to know that you can identify with them makes me feel like someone understands what I'm going through. You guys probably know me better than some of the people whom I see everyday.
It's like what one of my friends says, "We're all connected by invisible wires."
Have a good night.
| | |
| "Me?
I'm scared of everything.
I'm scared of what I saw,
I'm scared of what I did, of who I am,
& most of all
I'm scared of walking out of this room
& never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you."
| | |
| I'm on my knees in front of him
But he doesn't seem to see me.
With all his troubles on his mind
He's looking right through me.
& I wish that you could see that I have my troubles too.
& people are always asking how I'm doing, but every question still has you in it.
& I never think of you. But you're always on my mind.
Looking at you leaving, I'm looking for a sign.
The little cracks they escalated.
& before we knew it was too late.
It's better to burn out than fade away.
-- Kurt Cobain.
So plant the thought & watch it grow.
Wind it up & let it go.
When you're gone, all the colors fade.
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whiskey
'Cause I shook the hand of time & I knew
That if I lived 'till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you.
Once there was a way to get back homeward.
I love you, I've got a drowning grip on your adoring face.
I love you, my responsibility has found a place.
& I'll become what you became to me.
I wish that you were here with me to pass the dull weekend
I know it wouldn't come to love, my heroine pretend.
I just want someone to say to me, "I'll always be there when you wake."
You know, I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me & I'll have it made.
I can't wait 'till I get home to pass the time in my room alone.
All of these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been & how I got to where I am.
But these stories don't mean anything when you've got no one to tell them to.
Patience, child it will find you.
Your deepest dreams will guide you.
If I were to write the song that could somehow change the world,
Would it be a calm surrender or a fight to the death?
Life is too brief a journey to be scared of taking risks.
This is fact not fiction.
For the first time in years, all the girls in every girlie magazine
Can't make me feel any less alone
I'm reaching for the phone.
'Cause I built you a home in my heart
With rotten wood & it decayed from the start.
& as the summer's ending the cold air will push your hard heart away.
You were so condescending.
& this is all that's left.
Scraping paper to document.
I've packed a change of clothes & it's time to move on.
I remember when the days were long & the nights when the living room was on the lawn.
Your face - it dances & it haunts me.
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears.
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years.
Coming down the world turned over & angels fall without you there.
& I'll go on to lead you home.
Looking at you sleeping I'm with the man I know.
I'm sitting here weeping while the hours pass so slow.
& I know that in the morning I'll have to let you go
& you'll be just a man once I used to know.
"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."
Wish you never would've said its over.
& I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older
'Cause we never really had a closure.
This can't be the end.
"A year is a long time."
"Not so long. Just once around the sun."
Once again your eyes make it hard to say goodbye.
So I'll keep driving - where do you wanna go?
It doesn't really matter, as long as you are here with me.
"When people are ready to, they change.
They never do it before then, & sometimes they die before they get around to it.
You can't make them change if they don't want to,
Just like when they do what they want to do,
You can't stop them."
--Andy Warhol
I really want to thank everyone who has commented on my xanga recently. I do read my comments.
So.
What's on your mind? I'm listening.
Much love.
| | |
| "I don't want to start thinking again.
Not like I have this week.
I can't think again. Not ever again.
I don't know if you've ever felt like that.
That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years.
Or just not exist.
Or just not be aware that you exist.
Or something like that.
I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this.
That's why I'm trying not to think.
I just want it all to stop spinning."
readers.
for the first time in my life i understand what he's talking about.
how do you make it stop?
how do you make the feelings go away?
how to you stop existing?
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